Masthead header

Memories And Lack There Of

I don’t know how to reminise on this day. 2 years ago today we finally stepped off the plane, we finally came home. To say the journey was long would be an understatement. I had been stuck in her country for 2 months. We were so ready to be united as a family again. That day was so tiring. I was peed on. We barely slept. Taxis and plane rides and unexpected delays. But we were home. She slept in her own bed for the first time ever. She woke up to a brother and sister. She was home for the first time ever. So many good feelings. So much hope.

And then there is the pain. So many years we missed with her. 5 years she spent alone. 5 years we somehow lived without her. This girl has been through more in her short life than most of us ever will. Rejection. Neglect. Lack of medical care. Hunger. Fear. Loneliness.

And yet she shined. She smiled a smile that would melt your heart into a million pieces. She laughed. She told jokes! The first time we met her we told her she was cute and she said “Maybe you mean beautiful.” ha! This girl is a firecracker and a complete sweet heart all at once.


We are so thankful for this girl. We are so thankful God preserved her joyful spirit. We are thankful for her spunk that helped her survive those years, for her love that allows her to cope now, for her forgiveness so freely offered to anyone who has wronged her, for her wide-eyed view of the world and the way she jumps into everything as if it’s the best thing ever, and just for her life. We are so thankful she’s in our family, so thankful we get to love her. This girl is such joy and I am determined to treasure each day with her.

December 18, 2015 - 3:18 am

Val Deutsch - Happy two years in country! I remember getting you out of your apartment in Kiev at 3 am all too well and our mad dash to the airport!! We had a happy celebration on Nov 7th also. Greetings from Ira and Rostik too!!!

December 18, 2015 - 3:29 am

Fly Like A Bee - Thank you Val! Happy two years home to you as well! Yes, I remember that mad dash to the airport well! And playing soccer in the Embassy with Ira and Rostik!! :)

The Road to Yes.

Oh the story this boy has! It’s a good one.

5 months ago I asked why this boy is still waiting in this post. I asked, who will step up for him? Who will run to him? Who will love him with all their hearts? I saw his picture earlier that month and was drawn to him right away. He reminded me of both of our babies. He looks a bit like our biological baby and his pictures and situation remind me of E. I was in love and determined I would not see him die while I stood idly by and did nothing. However, I didn’t think we could go for him. The travel, the cost, the new van we’d need. It was all too much. E still had several surgeries she needed done and we didn’t know how she’d be medically. So I shouted for a family for him. I talked to families. I begged for a home for this boy. And I loved him from across the world.

A few weeks later a family read my blog post about him and it nudged them to step up for him. I talked to them, told them what he would need medically, told them about adoption from his country, and how I loved him. They said yes. I was in part ecstatic (he had a family!!) and in part I felt as if I had just convinced someone else to adopt my child. But I knew that was weird. He wasn’t mine and I wanted the best for him. I accepted it but I didn’t forget. In the back of my mind I still knew this story was not over.

A few months later, the family stepped back. They would not adopt him. He was re-listed. In that moment, I knew. I knew that God had used that other family to “hold” him during the time when we couldn’t say yes. I knew that we would say yes now, but I wasn’t ready to take the leap. E had her surgeries, other details in our lives had fallen into perfect place, and yet I doubted. I didn’t doubt that I adored him, I doubted that the details could work out. Could we raise the money to get to him? Could our family handle the travel? Could we really figure out how to get a new van? Could all this happen in the 4 short months it would be until we could be there holding him in our arms? It all seemed crazy.

 In that very first day of him being re-listed, we prayed, we talked, and we were utterly tormented. We had tried to find peace in knowing another family was going for him and yet we knew in our hearts that wasn’t the answer. Now we were faced with not ignoring this child once again. But the thing with adoption is – the price is high and the road is scary. Lucky for us we also know that the end is sweet.

So there I stood in the kitchen that day, making dinner and almost absent-mindedly talking with God. I said, “Lord, please just make it clear. Give me a path that’s obvious. Smack me in the face with the answer.”


I get a text from a friend. “I had an interesting dream about you last night.” I laughed. I already knew what was coming. Later she finishes, “I was at an orphanage where your next little baby was waiting….it was a boy by the way. You had commanded me to go there and feed him…So yeah, I held that precious baby and nursed him the rest of my dream and it was beautiful…How random is that?” Actually, not so random at all. I laughed some more.

We didn’t say yes that day though. For weeks we poured over the details, tried to make sense of the money, and prayed for clarity. We spoke of this boy daily and spent so many moments staring at his sweet face. We knew he was ours, and yet fear of the unknown held us back.


And then one day it hit me. I said to Tyler, “I just realized we aren’t waiting for God to give us clarity on what we are to do, we are waiting for proof that it will be easy.” He agreed.

Yes. Yes, we will run to that boy. Yes, we will take this (huge and scary) leap of faith. Yes, we will love him with all our hearts.

I don’t know where the money will come from. I don’t know where the new van will come from, but I know we already love this boy and for now, that’s enough. I know that God can provide the money, a van that can carry all these precious little people, and a village that will support us.

So yes.

My friend texts me again after we announce our news….”Marcus is the baby I dreamed about! I’m not even kidding.” Yeah, I knew that.

God is so good to me.


If you feel led to support us in our journey, or would like to follow along, please visit 


November 6, 2015 - 4:17 am

Megan - “I just realized we aren’t waiting for God to give us clarity on what we are to do, we are waiting for proof that it will be easy.”

Wow, the words exactly that I needed today! Godspeed to you on your journey to Marcus. Congratulations to your family!

Tricks: Self-feeding!

We’ve been working on self feeding around here. E is good with feeding herself chunks of foods but hasn’t used a spoon yet. She doesn’t even really want to touch it. We got a new suction bowl and some handy-dandy “spoons” that don’t need to be oriented a specific way and got to work! Her expressions were priceless.

This was her first time sitting at the table instead of in a high-chair. (We had previously tried it but she leaned too much to be safe there.) These first few pictures are from before I asked her to do anything and I was just feeding her as-per-usual. So far she’s thinking this is fun stuff!

Then we moved on to some tougher stuff.
Me – “Touch the spoon!” (demonstates)
E bravely reaches out to touch the spoon. All is well! Look how easy and fun!

That face! Hahaha!

Ha! This girl is so silly. Today she touched the spoon a few times without being asked to and soon she’ll be grabbing it from me and and feeding herself like it’s old news. Until then, I’ll be enjoying these expressions and watching her experience a whole new world filled with independence and crazy things… like spoons.

This boy is real.

This little boy reminds me so much of E. He is listed so young which usually means he’d be scooped up fairly soon, but his needs are big and can seem scary. He is tiny. He needs heart surgery and intestinal surgery.



E was listed at a young age too. I looked at her fuzzy picture, at her tiny little body in those too big clothes and I knew she needed out, she needed medical care and love. I stared at her picture day after day hoping she would be scooped up, hoping someone would love her.



Of course, I already loved her, but at the time we had just gotten home from adopting Y and it seemed impossible to adopt again. And yet just a few months later, by the grace of God, I was meeting her adorable little self. And you know what? I honestly believe she wouldn’t have survived much longer. Her stomach was distended, her colon was under tons of stress, and she weighed in at a measly 12 lbs at 15 months old. She wore 3 month clothes.



Today, almost a year later, this girl is so loved and so cared for. She has a family that adores her and a team of doctors that support her (and adore her too!) Her care is not really that hard at all and she is the greatest joy we could ever imagine. I am so glad we ran to her, so thankful God allowed us the unbelievable blessing of being her parents.



That brings me back to this boy. He is loved. He has biological parents that know he has no future in his country and they are begging for a home for him. Can you imagine? Can you picture the mom crying at night as she mourns the little boy she gave up in order to save? Can you imagine the dad trying to make the right decision for his son, to give him a chance? My heart cannot imagine such pain.



He needs heart surgery now. He needs intestinal surgery soon. This boy will die without medical care. He cannot wait while we waiver. He doesn’t have time.

Who will go? Who will love that precious face? Who will step up in the wake of a seperation that never should have been? Who will live the words they say they believe? Who will be the hands and feet of God today? Who will answer the calls of parents begging for a forever home for their baby? Is there anyone who will go?

I cannot help but wonder – Where is the church today? Did we forget the Savior we serve? Did we forget He saved us and therefore we have no strength or motivation to save others even in a lesser way? Can we possibly mean what we say about valuing life and yet know about this child who is dying and do nothing? I cannot understand.

This boy is real. Do something.


Click here to find out more about Marcus:



November 6, 2015 - 3:38 am

The Road to Yes. » Fly Like A Bee - [...] months ago I asked why this boy is still waiting in this post. I asked, who will step up for him? Who will run to him? Who will love him with all their hearts? I [...]