Oh the story this boy has! It’s a good one.
5 months ago I asked why this boy is still waiting in this post
. I asked, who will step up for him? Who will run to him? Who will love him with all their hearts? I saw his picture earlier that month and was drawn to him right away. He reminded me of both of our babies. He looks a bit like our biological baby and his pictures and situation remind me of E. I was in love and determined I would not see him die while I stood idly by and did nothing. However, I didn’t think we could go for him. The travel, the cost, the new van we’d need. It was all too much. E still had several surgeries she needed done and we didn’t know how she’d be medically. So I shouted for a family for him. I talked to families. I begged for a home for this boy. And I loved him from across the world.
A few weeks later a family read my blog post about him and it nudged them to step up for him. I talked to them, told them what he would need medically, told them about adoption from his country, and how I loved him. They said yes. I was in part ecstatic (he had a family!!) and in part I felt as if I had just convinced someone else to adopt my child. But I knew that was weird. He wasn’t mine and I wanted the best for him. I accepted it but I didn’t forget. In the back of my mind I still knew this story was not over.
A few months later, the family stepped back. They would not adopt him. He was re-listed. In that moment, I knew. I knew that God had used that other family to “hold” him during the time when we couldn’t say yes. I knew that we would say yes now, but I wasn’t ready to take the leap. E had her surgeries, other details in our lives had fallen into perfect place, and yet I doubted. I didn’t doubt that I adored him, I doubted that the details could work out. Could we raise the money to get to him? Could our family handle the travel? Could we really figure out how to get a new van? Could all this happen in the 4 short months it would be until we could be there holding him in our arms? It all seemed crazy.
In that very first day of him being re-listed, we prayed, we talked, and we were utterly tormented. We had tried to find peace in knowing another family was going for him and yet we knew in our hearts that wasn’t the answer. Now we were faced with not ignoring this child once again. But the thing with adoption is – the price is high and the road is scary. Lucky for us we also know that the end is sweet.
So there I stood in the kitchen that day, making dinner and almost absent-mindedly talking with God. I said, “Lord, please just make it clear. Give me a path that’s obvious. Smack me in the face with the answer.”
I get a text from a friend. “I had an interesting dream about you last night.” I laughed. I already knew what was coming. Later she finishes, “I was at an orphanage where your next little baby was waiting….it was a boy by the way. You had commanded me to go there and feed him…So yeah, I held that precious baby and nursed him the rest of my dream and it was beautiful…How random is that?” Actually, not so random at all. I laughed some more.
We didn’t say yes that day though. For weeks we poured over the details, tried to make sense of the money, and prayed for clarity. We spoke of this boy daily and spent so many moments staring at his sweet face. We knew he was ours, and yet fear of the unknown held us back.
And then one day it hit me. I said to Tyler, “I just realized we aren’t waiting for God to give us clarity on what we are to do, we are waiting for proof that it will be easy.” He agreed.
Yes. Yes, we will run to that boy. Yes, we will take this (huge and scary) leap of faith. Yes, we will love him with all our hearts.
I don’t know where the money will come from. I don’t know where the new van will come from, but I know we already love this boy and for now, that’s enough. I know that God can provide the money, a van that can carry all these precious little people, and a village that will support us.
My friend texts me again after we announce our news….”Marcus is the baby I dreamed about! I’m not even kidding.” Yeah, I knew that.
God is so good to me.
If you feel led to support us in our journey, or would like to follow along, please visit www.youcaring.com/afamilyformarcus